Love on the Edge of Reason Page 2

  She crept closer to the door, grateful for it being relatively dark inside the cottage. That helped her see past the well-light porch to the darkness beyond.

  Nobody was there.

  Holding her breath, she eased back from the door and waited.

  Maybe it had been nothing. Maybe there was a motion sensor she hadn’t noticed because she’d arrived in the daylight hours, and the blowing snow had triggered it. Or a bunny. Yes, she’d like that. A snow hare, hopping up onto the porch. Cute.

  When the light flicked out, proving her motion sensor theory, she checked the lock one last time and retreated to the couch.

  It was only after she curled up in her blanket and her thumping heart calmed down that she realized she’d been hoping the light meant she had a visitor. But he hadn’t come to her all week. He wouldn’t be coming now.

  She read the same page in her book over and over again, trying her best to ignore the ache in her chest. This was a mess of her own making. She realized that. She’d known exactly what she wanted—and what she didn’t—right up until everything changed. Now she couldn’t fall into the same trap her mother had, hoping for something that would never come to fruition.

  At the end of the day, she wanted happiness. For herself, her child, and her child’s father, too. They all deserved that. There were many ways to be happy, many ways to shape a family. No reason to force a square peg into a round hole.

  She just needed to protect her baby while she made that clear to Tom.

  He would understand, eventually. He didn’t have the capacity to be a full-time partner anyway, she reminded herself. He’d proven that the last time they saw each other.

  Chapter Two

  A week before Christmas

  When it all started to unravel

  Tom wrapped up the monthly Search and Rescue team meeting ten minutes early. When people looked like they might linger, he dumped the coffee urn in the sink and started washing it with a loud clatter.

  Take the hint, folks, he thought to himself. Time to beat it, whether you like it or not.

  What none of them knew was that Tom had a date.

  Not a date, exactly. No, that wasn’t what Chloe was coming over for. But it was something.

  She’d texted him just before the meeting started. It was a regular thing now, her texting him every few weeks. Often on a Sunday afternoon. Doing anything in a few hours?

  The subtext was always, want to do me?

  And he did. Endlessly, creatively, breathlessly. They’d been hooking up for months, and each time Tom was quite convinced it was the last. Sometimes she told him it was. A few times he was the one to speak the lie.

  It never was the last time.

  He knew not to push it with hoping for more, and yet, when she’d texted him today, he hadn’t been able to help himself.

  Chloe: Doing anything in a few hours?

  Tom: I’m on duty this afternoon. Can’t leave the park, but if you want to come visit me, we’d have the training centre all to ourselves.

  There was a solid chance she’d pass.

  She didn’t. In an unexpected and delightfully uncharacteristic move, Chloe accepted his offer (request?) to spend time together somewhere other than the bedroom.

  So now he was urging everyone to get the hell out. He had a woman to seduce. Or a countdown to a woman showing up in all her tattooed, pierced glory to seduce him.

  He was her willing victim.

  Chloe Dawson was the most gorgeous, intriguing woman he’d ever been with. She’d laid out crystal clear rules from their very first night together, and he had no problem following them. But there was a part of him that was hungry for more.

  They both knew it. Most of the time, they both ignored it. But today felt like a tiny victory in that direction. If all went well, he’d ask her if she wanted to sleep over at his place on Christmas Eve, after Matt and Tasha’s wedding.

  “Hey,” she said from the doorway.

  He turned and his heart leapt, thumping eagerly against his ribs. He always had the same reaction to her. It hadn’t settled down over time, and it still took him by surprise. He simply adored everything about her. Her confidence, her intelligence. Her perfect mouth. Her bright eyes.

  And her dirty, filthy mind.

  In a single glance, he knew she had something special planned for today, and he was a goner. She was dressed for the increasingly cold December days, with a down jacket over jeans and tall leather boots, but as he watched, she unzipped and under the jacket she wasn’t wearing much. A tank top that sliced low across the tops of her breasts and bared her shoulders.

  Sex at his workplace was not smart at all.

  But Tom never claimed to be smart around Chloe. He’d always been overwhelmed by her, amazed and impressed and rendered stupid.

  He crossed the room, tugged her inside, and locked the door. Then he pressed her against the wall and took her mouth like it had been months since they’d last kissed and not a mere week.

  She groaned, giving him her tongue. They’d gotten good at this together. He’d learned her body, her responses, and knew where she liked to be licked, where she needed a rough scrape of teeth or a soft, teasing probe.

  Today she held back, gasping as he consumed her, until at the end when she chased his retreat and sank her teeth into his bottom lip.

  His erection strained in reaction. Yes. He was up for literally anything—within the bounds of what Chloe had carefully established as on the table. No feelings. No commitment. Everything in secret and furtive and not at all what Tom really wanted, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. And when it came to Chloe, Tom was one thousand percent a happy beggar.

  “That was nice,” she whispered, her breath hitching as she looked up at him.

  “I’ve got more where that came from.”

  She smiled slowly, her eyes searching his face. “I know you do.”

  They could do it. Right here, against the wall. He could work her pants down her hips and turn her around. Tight, hard, fast. They’d done it that way before. Or there was the couch. She could ride him nice and slow, until he begged her to come.

  Both would also be an option. He had stamina for hours with Chloe.

  But she’d come here, to his workplace in the middle of the day—a nearly public date, a first—and he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to gain a small advantage. “Do you want to do something fun?”

  She laughed. “Don’t we always?”

  “A different kind of fun.”

  A look crossed her face. She wasn’t sure. But after a moment of consideration, she slowly nodded. “Sure.” She took a deep breath. “Outside? Somewhere we could talk?”

  “Yeah. Definitely.” He caught her hand in his and reached past her to unlock and open the door, taking the opportunity to steal one more a kiss before pulling her out into the cool afternoon air. He pointed at the climbing tower which the team used to practice rescue descents on. “Up there.”

  Chloe zipped her jacket up again and glanced at him sideways. “Wall climbing?”

  “If you want. Or we could go up there and, if we’re quiet enough, I bet we’ll see some deer come through the forest soon.”

  “Deer?” Her eyes lit up.

  Bingo. She was tough on the outside, but under that brittle exterior was a soft, squishy heart that loved animals.

  “Come on.” He took her hand and led her to the stairs. “Up we go.”

  The climbing tower was four storeys tall, higher than any building and almost any tree in the area. It had an impressive view, which Chloe got sucked into as expected.

  Tom grinned to himself as he stretched out the blanket he’d already stashed up there. When she turned around, she was suitably impressed. “Why haven’t I been up here before?”

  So many complicated reasons, most of them on her end, but he wasn’t going to point that out. “No idea. We’ll have to add it to our list of regular spots.”

  A quick reaction flickered across her face, then di
sappeared. “It’s lovely up here.”

  “Even lovelier down here,” he said, taking his radio off his hip and laying down. He held out his hand. “Come check out my fancy blanket.”

  She laughed and joined him, stretching out to mirror his body language. He pointed to the forest below. “Now, you’ll need to be quiet.”

  “I’m a librarian. Quiet is my thing.”

  “I’ve never found your library to be that quiet.”

  “You always come at preschool hour, and I immediately kick you out. You haven’t had the full experience.”

  He’d put that on the list of things he wanted, too. But first, deer spotting. “So we’re going to be quiet…”

  She laughed and poked him.

  “And we’ll watch for movement below. A rustle of trees, birds taking off unexpectedly. Lots of things that will let us know the deer are moving through. And then…” He pointed to the clearings where he usually saw deer stop. “There and there. Those are our best chances to see them.”

  “Deer,” she breathed, her eyes wide.

  “Yep.”

  “This is quite the secret spot you’ve got up here.”

  “I only tell my favourite people.”

  She snorted.

  But he was telling the truth.

  They lay there for half an hour. Every few minutes, Chloe would crack a joke, and he’d remind her she needed to hush.

  “It’s just so foreign to me to be this quiet if I’m not surrounded by stacks of books,” she whispered back.

  “Then I’ll need to keep you busy.” He covered her mouth with his hand, squeezing gently, then trailed his fingers down her throat and onto the fluttering pulse point at the base of her neck. “Can you be very quiet if I give you proper motivation?”

  “No.” He lifted his fingers, and she whimpered. “I’m just being honest.”

  He laughed and kissed her, then rolled back onto his stomach. “Watch. Listen. I’ll give you something to do with your mouth if need be, but I want to see them, too.”

  Her cheeks turned pink as she propped her chin on her hands. “Okay.”

  She was rewarded less than ten minutes later when they saw a few trees rustle, then another, clearly leading in a path to one of the clearings below. Tom pointed it out and Chloe clamped her lips shut, her eyes wide.

  When the deer sprinted into the clearing, she gasped gently, then clapped her own hand over her mouth to keep that inside.

  “So pretty,” she finally whispered as they had a snack on one of the trees.

  He was looking at her, not the visitors. “Gorgeous.”

  “Stop,” she murmured.

  He grinned. “Caught me looking.” He crowded closer, kissing the back of her neck, then her shoulder. “It’s because you are gorgeous. And sexy, and…” His fingers crept beneath her, first going to her collarbone, then lower. He tugged the zipper down on her jacket, and she rolled to the side, giving him space to play.

  Her tits were marvellous. Firm and sensitive and always game for a bit of pinching—

  “Ow,” she breathed.

  Maybe not that quickly. “Sorry. You okay?”

  She leaned in, her eyes closed, and kissed him. Wet, slick, hot. “Mmm, just be gentle.”

  “You sore? Close to your period?”

  She froze.

  He pulled back. Chloe had never been one to hedge around stuff like that, and he’d always liked that about her. “Are you on your period? You know that’s no big deal to me, right? We can—”

  “I’m pregnant.” She blurted it out, her face going white, and his entire world turned upside down.

  “Wait, what?”

  “I meant to tell you.”

  “You meant to—when? After we spent the afternoon screwing?”

  “When I showed up, but then you were kissing me.” She scrambled to her feet. “You started it. You wanted to…” She turned in a circle, her arms outstretched. When she faced him again, her expression was tight. Pale. Angry.

  Shit.

  Before he could get out the right sounds to make an apology, she was jabbing her finger in his face. “Look. You wanted something today. This little show with the blanket, and the deer? What was that, you trying to be Mr. Romantic? We both know that’s not really you. Not by a long stretch.”

  He gaped at her even though that had always been her thing—he wasn’t allowed to want more than fucking. She was the reason why he hadn’t shown her this side of him before. But he couldn’t say that now, because she was pregnant.

  And she wasn’t done yelling. Her words came faster now, tight and spilling over each other, like she’d practiced some of this and hadn’t meant for it all to come out, but it was and she couldn’t help it. “But I tell you that I’m pregnant, and you throw back a line at me about wanting to screw? Wow. You don’t get to be mad at me because I gave in to what might have been the last sex I have for the next eighteen years. Which, by the way, didn’t happen, so you don’t get to shame me. Got it? I won’t stand for it, Tom Minelli. You hear me?”

  “I think everyone north of town hears you,” he said, shock making him stupid. The words were out before he could cut them off.

  She gasped, then turned and spun on her heel, heading for the stairs. “Do not follow me,” she yelled as he ignored her.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Of course I’m following you. We need to talk.”

  “We don’t.”

  “Chloe.” She was down a full level from him, and he started taking the stairs two at a time. How was she moving this fast?

  “I told you not to follow me. You are a terrible listener.”

  She’d just said more about him—about them—in thirty seconds than she’d said in the past year. His brain hadn’t caught up. And she was still moving. “How can I not follow you? What the hell? Chloe, stop.”

  She jumped the last few steps, landed on the ground, and kept moving. Not stopping. Not listening.

  Tom’s heart pounded against his ribs. She was really storming out.

  She was pregnant.

  He’d pissed her off, but damn it, she’d blindsided him. She just needed to slow down and—

  But she was already in her car.

  He threw his hands in the air as she powered her Honda Civic to life. Great.

  What the hell had just happened?

  “Congratulations,” he yelled at the retreating car. “I sure as hell hope it’s my baby.”

  And then he felt like the complete ass that he probably was.

  Chapter Three

  Christmas Day

  As soon as dawn broke, and it was safe to drive across the causeway to the Vance cottage, Tom poured an entire pot of coffee into an extra-large Thermos and headed out.

  Zander had talked him out of driving across the night before. They’d tracked her down using the last known ping off her cell phone, and then his brother had waited on the mainland while Tom had walked out to the island.

  He’d just needed to see her for a minute, just to make sure she was okay.

  It had been hard to stand in the shadows, to watch her like a creeper through the window. To know she’d spend the night alone, but the only way he could make this better was to return in the daylight with supplies in hand.

  She’d retreated from the world. From him. All he had been able to allow himself the night before was making sure she was safe.

  And once he’d seen to that, he’d faded back. He’d almost convinced himself to stay away completely. She doesn’t want to see you. But the storm warnings didn’t look good, and Chloe wasn’t from the peninsula. Still, he came back to his apartment and spent the night talking himself out of doing exactly what he was about to do. His bed had never felt so empty.

  It was strange to miss Chloe in his bed when she’d never slept over. Not even once. But she’d been there many times, for a few hours. Warm and happy. Their secret little games, their shared pleasure.

  And at the first brush with hard reality, that had all disintegrated. No
ne of it had been real. But he’d spent the night missing her all the same.

  He’d spent a week trying to figure out how to make up for lost time, how to make right what had to have been an awful moment for her—hey, jerk, I’m having your baby, and oh look, you’re being fucking stupid about it.

  He’d also spent a lot of the last week feeling sorry for himself, which is why it had taken him a week—and that was yet another mistake. He’d waited too long, and now he had that to regret on top of missing what could have been, what others had, what they could have had if he’d simply been brave enough to say it out loud.

  I want more with you, Chloe.

  He’d say it today.

  But he needed to be alive for that, so he waited until he could see where he was going.

  As his truck heated up and the windows defrosted, he stared out at the lake. It wasn’t a long drive from his cabin to the island where the Vance cottage stood. She’d hidden in plain sight, practically under his nose.

  He needed to know why.

  But he needed to keep his cool if he had any chance of getting an answer to that question.

  He put his truck in four-wheel-drive and powered through the drifts of snow on the single-lane causeway, holding his breath every time the wheels jerked beneath him. The track he’d walked in last night was now gone, and the freezing cold lake threatened on both sides. There was no way Chloe’s little car would get back to the mainland.

  It was beyond foolish to spend any length of time out on the lake during a winter storm. Even in a cottage as robust as the Vance home, which was full-season and larger than most houses in Pine Harbour proper, it wouldn’t take much to be cut off from the mainland resources.

  Tom would know. It was often his job to run rescues to fetch people from their islands when the rustic Christmas-at-the-cottage plan inevitably went sideways.

  He and Chloe wouldn’t need to be rescued, though—except maybe from the past.